Things I’ve recently tried to convince other people of:

That clubfoot isn’t a real disease, but only a literary symbol.

That a tribe in Africa requires boys to lift a 45 lb. barbell with their penises in order to be considered men.

That people, like chickens, can run around for some time after being decapitated, and that during the French Revolution this became known as “the 30 second counter-revolution.”

That childbirth must actually be fun because otherwise it would only happen at the insistence of men.

That trying to pull your knees above your head is the best way to stop a cough.

That writing vowels is anti-Semitic.

That I’m not a misogynist, because women don’t actually exist.

That for Jesus to hate zombies would be somewhat hypocritical.