Coffee Gets You Up

Following up my Goin' to Pot post, new research indicates that coffee makes you more fertile by, get this, making sperm swim faster. Which was exactly the thing marijuana supposedly does to sperm which makes you infertile. Now, I'm told that I'm too skeptical and that it's probably just that coffee makes sperm swim a little faster, while pot makes them swim a lot faster so that they burn out too quickly, but consider this: Argentina grows coffee. Hence, the government there (which I imagine helped fund the research) has some financial incentive to view faster sperm in a positive light, since it might encourage more people to drink coffee. Buffalo is state-funded, and almost certainly has grants from the ONDCP or some other government anti-drug organization to study the effect of drugs on physiology, so they have a financial incentive to portray faster sperm in a negative light, since that might discourage people from using marijuana. I don't mean to say that these incentives definitely played a role in how the research was interpreted, but the possibility certainly exists.